My Hilarious POF online dating profile...IT WORKED!!!

I find it amazing, how I am getting a little more action with my new and improved sarcastic profile.  AND it is yielding better quality men...so far anyways....quality: as in appreciating ME for me, and not being douche bags.  They are respectful and hilarious and they are not sending pics of their cocks!  Well one did.  A cute lil cub who was out cougaring.  I swiftly sent him on his way after a lesson in how to actually get women without sending pics.

Now the other really fascinating thing about my new profile, is that 9/10 men who are contacting me.....are LIBRA'S.  Isn't that interesting? I'm a Libra too.  All have said they find me VERY interesting and funny and I appear to be someone they want to get to know.  While I may be turning off alot of men this way, to be honest, I'm finding it a great filter to keep men who probably would not like me anyways, from contacting me and wasting both our time.  I know a few men that would like me are turning into the 'big fish that got away'....but seriously......I was sickened to re-read the line of total CRAP was in the profile of the men who were showing or trying to show me their dicks and just wanted a piece of ass.

So here is an excerpt from my POF online profile as it stands.  I do NOT want anyone copying it, (I have a lawyer and fully intend to use them if someone does) But I am not taking chances by sharing the whole thing.  I am an original.  But I do want to share that I discovered that really NO good man was ever going to contact me from my 'average' profile that I had up at first.  This is what I wrote:

I enjoy my horses and spending time w friends.  I'm very social, but very much enjoy quiet times with those I love.  I'm easy going, but can be quite energetic and silly too.  I'm a writer/poet by hobby and I love great conversation... The more the better.  I'm very passionate about the things that interest me or are close to my heart.  I see the world differently than most people do and try to really live in the moment, not the past or the future.  I love the arts, especially contemporary dancing.... But I'm not stuffy or pretentious.... A good Honky Tonk suits me just as well.  My taste in music is eclectic, country, soul, alternative light rock.  I'm an old fashion romantic at heart.... And expect to be treated with respect and like a lady....My pets include 2 dogs, 2 cats, 3 horses and a 14yo son....LOL.  I'm not looking for a serious relationship, but if one swept me off my feet....then so be it. If you're looking for a real woman in every sense of the word, send me a message..... I'd love to meet a real man.

What's most important to me is good conversation with a down to earth person who is outgoing and positive, so a a nice stroll window shopping in a quaint little town, coffee, or darts at a dive bar is nice too.  I believe in having no expectations, so meeting as friends, and if there is chemistry, going from there.

....BLAH BLAH BLAH.  For crap sakes, a mediocre looking guy in a wheel chair didn't even respond.....I knew something was seriously wrong.  I am far...FAR...from unfortunate looking.  I googled how to write a good profile, and honestly, most of the advice directed me to write what I already had.  Not to mention, if every other woman on the planet reads the advice...aren't we going to end with the same profiles....AGAIN.  The key is to SHOW them your funny....not tell them you are funny.  So I googled "funny online profile for woman" and I found a blog that gave a guys perspective...and I instantly knew what I had to do.  By golly damnit, I am a funny woman and I am going to show them what the hell I have to offer.  The following paragraph is the intro to my profile....

You had me at "nice boobs"....
Looks aren't important to me, neither is age, weight or race.  You don't even need to be able to spell or write gud. I'm a cheap and easy date, two shots of whiskey and we'll be having sex in you're car outside the bar. The trashier you treat me, the easier I get. I'm not that brite and wont expect you to ever call me again.  For a good time call.......LOL....Seriously.... You didn't think this parody was real did you?  I read somewhere that 80% of men don't even read these things, so I thought I would have a little fun and give y'all your perfect fantasy profile read......THIS PART IS TOP SECRET...BUT YOU GET THE IDEA.....Those that need not message me:

1. Dirty old perv’s. Cuz.....EWWW

2. Hey Dude…ya…you….Look in your phone, if there is a picture of your penis in there….keep it there…I don’t want it in my phone

3. Pretentious, inflated ego-man-"I"-ack know it all’s… who think they are too damn smart or too damn pretty for the likes of most women.  If that is YOU….you are so ****ing right…..move ON. 
AGAIN TOP SECRET

I think y'all get the point about BEing different, not just SAYing you're different.  So go out, and write that profile that SHOWs how YOU are unique...and please don't plagiarize mine.