~H~ ……The Scarlet letter

I got to experience the pleasure of having the dreaded ‘talk’ for the first time last night.  Confessing the fact that I have herpes.  I didn’t know I had it when I got married 20ys ago, so I haven’t had to confess this before, in a situation where it really mattered.  Well actually I did have the talk three years ago, one time, and it ended the same way. (forgot about that)  It’s just not something I think about, as it isn’t an issue in my marriage, since my husband has it too, so I tend to forget I have it. 

There is nothing like the awkward silence that befalls the phone call, the nano second the word herpes rolls of your tongue.  Things were going pretty good for a possible ‘hook up’, would have been my first one, and then……silence.  I was kind, and removed the hook from his lip and threw him back in the water quickly.  I told him I would make it easy for him and end the conversation there, and after thinking about it, he could call me again, or not….no hard feelings…… lets just say I’m not holding my breath.

And that was THAT.  He did mention we could still play on the phone together, but I think not….. Considering I have limited opportunities and limited time to create them…..and obviously a challenge like this one is permanently in my way, so I see no reason wasting my precious time on someone that will never see it thru….rather see me thru.  There’s plenty of other fish in the sea, and I need to get busy fishing….if I am ever going to do this.

The more I think about it, the more depressed I become.  Why does it feels like a death sentence?

~S~