Venus goes retrograde in Gemini....Libra's beware...Follow my retrograde journey

Venus goes retrograde in Gemini ~ May 15 2012.
Just so happens I am a Libra, my ruling planet is Venus, and it's all about love and beauty.  I was never THAT into horoscopes until this past couple of months, even though I am completely into birth signs.  Recently, on this one website I found, tarot.com, the daily horoscopes I had been reading were so accurate, it was becoming a little eerie.  A couple of weeks ago, when I read that Venus was going retrograde for 6 weeks and it was not going to be good for me, I still brushed it off a bit.  Then last week, I noticed I have not been myself, not even close.  I have no loving feelings what so ever, not even toward my son.  I figured it was due to the fact that in order to be strong and stand up for myself, I maybe went a bit too far the other direction, or maybe it was because I got my monthly, or maybe the incident with Josh.  But then the feelings stuck around and I couldn't shake it.  I am a Libra thru and thru, and love is what we do best, so when our primary emotion is gone, it feels deffening and confusing, not to mention if you summon new emotions due to circumstances beyond your control, such as anger or conviction, it can be that much more frightening. So when I couldn't shake these icky feelings, I decided I'd better check and see if this retrograde thingy had anything at all to do with it.  I did a little google search and SHAZAM....the answer to my waffling moods staring me blankly in the face.

As it turns out, "Our libra souls mature by integrating Venus ruled lessons in our daily life. Some days we dance gracefully, exuding her charm and harmony, but then there are times when her gifts seem beyond our grasp. Her balance eludes us and we stumble, recoil, and retreat from being that beautiful swan right back into the proverbial ugly duckling. When Venus turns retrograde..... The love consciousness and all matters that are Venus-ruled are not easily expressed outward. We internalize our feelings and cannot easily convey what we want to the world. We question our very worthiness."   Yes....this is exactly how I am feeling.  But as I read on, I started to freak out....and not by a little bit....Oh NO.....by a near massive heart attack level. 

I found another more technical site that explained every itty bitty move of the Venus retrograde path, looking at the dates and things. So join me in checking these few things out....well it's more than a 'few' things.....but that is almost my point.

click here for a great blog post that describes Venus retrograde in very easy to understand terms

OVERVIEW: Venus in retrograde motion is supposed to mean that our love lives enter a fated period where we may relive past life experiences in order to sort out karmic issues. Old friends or lovers may reappear and there may be more difficulty in giving and receiving love and affection.....This suggests that our love lives really will go through a period of reliving past love life experiences. The South Node also indicates that some of our more negative habits or attitudes about love and relationships will be brought to light, and that the more troubling aspects of our relationships will be highlighted......For sure, it can also mean that we run into old friends and lovers again, from this life and past lives. Any new relationships formed during the next few months will likely be past life connections, we will get that feeling of having known them before. The aim of all this is to resolve painful karmic memories. This is because the other very tight aspect is Venus square Chiron, we are being forced to face our inner pain in relation to love, the pain of being dumped or humiliated by infidelity, or the karmic pain cause by doing this to others......

.....Seriously??  This alone was enough to knock me off my seat and cause me to believe that every 'gut feeling' and 'intuition' I have had the last few weeks, was real and not some fairy tale fantasy.  My only lingering question......knowing I have been tortured for countless years with the pain and humiliation of my husbands infidelity......wondering.....Is this a karmic punishment because "I" cheated badly in a past life??  I have always felt my whole life, like I was being punished for something.  And since I have done nothing in THIS lifetime to warrant punishment.....I always believed it must be from something I did in a past life.  However....I also believe that since it is our soul that passes from one body to another, shifting from one lifetime to another....what ever our innate being is in this lifetime.....must be what it has been in past lifetimes.....so a loving, gentle but painfully tortured soul is what I belive has endured for me from one life to the next.  And that maybe, just maybe, this is the lifetime when it will all be healed and come to rest......

But of course there is more supporting evidence....read on....

Venus Enters The Retrograde Zone (pre retrograde phase)

Venus is still travelling at her normal pace when she enters the retrograde zone on 11 April 2012. The aspects and fixed star will give us an indication of the overall vibe for the whole retrograde cycle. It does have a very karmic feel which fits nicely with the traditional concept of retrograde planets......This supports the theme of exposing broken hearts,....Venus square Chiron means we are forced, through events and through relationships, to face the pain of the past. By doing so, the difficult work of healing the pain can begin, this is the nature of Chiron, wounding to heal.

Mercury sextile Venus on May 3 and 4 is a great opportunity to express our feelings of love. Communication should be open and compassionate. However, with Venus on the fixed star Bellatrix in constellation Orion, being too friendly with others if already attached could lead to that Chiron pain. Venus with Bellatrix gives “Much suffering through love affairs owing to unrestrained feelings“. Mercury sextile Venus could lead to those unrestrained feeling of love

This is about where I freaked out and completely lost my mind.....as there were some things and gut feelings with dates and the three men in my life, that was 100% validated in what I read out of all of this.  It is long, and scientifically technical, so I am only quoting the parts that matter, not the names of all the stars Venus will pass by, and how each of those stars have been, and will be, influencing my life.  I find it no coincidence the dates involved with these stars and the events in my life.  It basically says, I will meet new people (Owen then Josh), they will be from a past life, they are going to cause me to re-live  and face the past pain from infidelity, they will help me heal from that pain (which both of them have done just that, but in very different ways)....finally.....it says there will be much suffering thru love affairs….Also no coincidence that for the first time in my life, I was unfaithful.  Granted it was with my husband’s permission and urging, BUT he didn’t want to know anything about it…..so I had to lie and sneak around. (of which might I add, that all but 1 person I know is VERY disapproving of my actions…..However…If you never walked a mile in my shoes, please do not judge me.)

  Owen was the first angel sent to me, though only online, never in the flesh, he pulled me out of a deep chasm of despair, and made me feel things I never felt before. I felt a cosmic connection with him right from the start.  I couldn’t explain it, though we did talk about it occasionally. Through him I re-learned my sensuality, and everyone around me benefitted from this…..including my husband.   I walked around with a glow and a smile that my friends said they hadn’t seen in DECADES…..My marriage was going better than it ever had in 19ys……and how did my husband repay me???   by kissing a family friend at an Easter function with me in the other room!!!  That was just days before the pre retrograde started….and April 11^th, the first day of the pre-retro….is the day that I told my husband I wasn’t going to make any decision regarding that kiss until our legal stuff came in the mail, despite him demanding for me to make a decision.  It was the first day in 19ys that I took some sort of stand in my marriage and stopped begging him to love me.  I think it is no accident by fate that the only important date mentioned in the “pre” phase, is the day I met Josh...May 4th.  Josh and I also had a cosmic connection instantly.  It was like we had known each other all our lives.  He gave me gifts in the flesh that Owen could only give me on paper. 

Josh was there just in time, to give me the strength 4 days later to be strong…….when that legal stuff came in the mail on May 8^th, and I told my husband, I now wanted time to think about what I wanted, either to try to work it out, or divorce.  Just so happens that I laid it all out on the line to my husband on May 15^th.....the first day of the retrograde.  Coincidence??  I think NOT!!!  I firmly believe that Josh is a karmic connection from my past lives (and maybe Owen too).  He healed my pain, gave me courage and helped me to get off my knees and stand on my own two feet.  Granted he has hurt me since, but I will NEVER forget what he gave me.  Read below and see if you can see how Josh was a gift from the heavens, probably a past life lover, and was sent to me to help me heal.....which he did so well.


May-15 to June 27  Venus stations Retrograde (actual retrograde phase)

....The theme of pain again comes up, as Venus with Alnilam gives “Trouble through love affairs, scandal, enemies among women“. But the Chiron theme means the outcome is healing. And we see this with the aspect in this chart, Venus trine Saturn. It’s not exciting or glamorous, but serious and sober. Saturn is our teacher, so we are learning about love and affection.  The trine to Saturn suggests progress in this next phase of the retrograde cycle, through to the direct station on June 27. More understanding, more commitment. Commitment to long term relationships seems very important here, that is the message from this aspect, and the fixed stars have been pointing to the pain resulting from infidelity.....The work on the pain and the hurt is not over, we can see this in the chart with Mars opposite Chiron.
Some difficult issues to deal with, confronting and involving some arguments or resentment. The path does lead to healing and transformation through open communication........
.....Currently...I am in the process of giving my husband a 'second chance' after telling him on may 15th I wanted to seperate and HIM for the first time begging ME for another chance.  I gave him 3weeks, until June 8th, to show me just how much he loves me.  To make some serious changes.  He said he would "do anything."...I just don't think he has a firm grasp on what 'anything' means.  So obviously 'commitment to long term relationships' is in the air, and the air is so thick, you couldn't cut it with a chain saw....LOL.  I am thinking, that maybe due to this retrograde thingy, I may just be extending his 'second chance' thru to June 27th.  But I don't know....I will see how I feel on June 8th (end of the 3wk trial)....Talk with him and see how he feels too. 


On May 27 Venus conjuncts Bellatrix for the second time, so we may revisit any of those painful issues again regarding affairs or love triangles from the past. It may also be that an old flame appears on the scene again.....May27: Sure enough, on this day, my brother in law brings it up out of the blue, (I was unaware he knew about the easter event) and tells me how the the whole family (in-laws) knows about it as well.  I asked him what my mother in-law thought, and he said that she gives me a lot of credit for still being with him as she would have kicked my husband (her son) out.  That is kind of reassuring, since I really figured she would blame me and make me out to be some evil monster.  That somehow it would be MY fault that her son cheats on me again and again.

1st of June Gemini really puts the focus on communication in relationships. We will be able to fully express our affections with loving words. Interactions should be frank and open, and with a square from Mars approaching, there could be some heated moments.
This is the day I posted my craigslist ad, and 'comunitcated' with a few new people.  My husband wasn't home and we didn't talk too much.

June 5 is a very special day with Sun conjunct Venus. Not just any old conjunction, this one is a rare transit of Venus, where Venus is seen as a black dot passing in front of the Sun. This is the last transit of Venus for over 100 years, Venus is retrograde, it comes just after the June 4 lunar eclipse, and is mentioned in the Cherokee Rattlesnake Prophecy. Sun conjunct Venus is the personification of love and beauty, love is definitely in the air today, more than at any other time. Meeting friends, spending time with lovers, and chatting up potential lovers are all favored.
Well I did spend alot of time making new 'friends' today!  As for the husband....NOT....what an ass hole!

On June 6 we do get Venus square Mars, feelings should be intense, with a mixture of love and hate, sexual passion and desire. There may be some conflict, but Venus on the fixed star Rigel is more supportive of love rather than hate, Venus on this star gives a “good and influential marriage especially if female“.
Love/Hate...you got that right!  I had to put my foot up his ass today for the crap games he was playing with me last night.  God I can't wait for this to be over!  He did seem receptive of my complaint, and strangely agreed to 'watch his actions'.  Well there you go, we're 1% on our way to happiness....and it caried over into the next day.  Love/hate

June 8th.  the last day of his 3 week time frame to show me how much he loves me.  Instead of doing that, he admitted that he had done nothing to make things better over the last 3 weeks, then proceeded to start a fight so HE could tell ME....that HE was done with ME....rather than it being the other way around.  We didn't talk for a few days as he left with my son for a camping trip, but i had to put leaving him on hold again, as there was a pressing legal issue that had to be dealt with with the house.....right then and there....another stay of execution for him. 

June 16, “favorable for marriage“.
Nothing happened today as he was at work, and my son and I were gone all day for a family function and the next day was fathers day.  I guess it was favorable for him for marriage, because he got a stay of execution due to me not wanting to be a total bitch and end it on fathers day weekend....not before or after.

 Overview of: June 18 to July 8. This is very fortunate and suggests major breakthroughs in those relationship issues which have been causing problems. It also means that finding a new lover is more likely, and that they will be stimulating, exotic or unusual, or that the relationships will be unusual in some way or really fun but not so enduring, more of a fling. The first exact sextile is on June 21.

June 19 -- You may be highly motivated to let go of desires that have little chance of being fulfilled as the flighty Gemini New Moon stimulates your 9th House of Big Ideas. You have reached a point where you are ready to make changes in order to add excitement to your life and you have little patience for those who might stand in your way. Don't sweat the small stuff today; concentrate on your long-term goals rather than the details of the day.

June 24  So this adjustment in relationships and how we love comes at a time of major and dramatic changes. It means the big transformations are now so much more personal, and it's very positively suggesting enlightenment, given that Venus ties into this via the sextile to Uranus. It helps us deal with great change in a compassionate and universally loving way.
This is the day that I again, sat down with my husband and we talked about 'us'.  It was a long talk, and I was compassionate, and I told him I didn't know the answers...didn't know what I wanted, didn't know what would and wouldn't work......but that the one thing I 'did' know, is that we are getting legally seperated.  He told me he wants to be 'that man', the CAN be 'that man', that he will do what ever it takes to BE.....'that man'....because he didn't want to lose me.  Yada Yada.....I'm still confused as to what to do.

June 27  So we could say the pain at confronting the negative aspects of our relationships, and our own weaknesses in how we love has now peaked. This final phase is about adjusting to a new dynamic in relationships, the give and take, and then settling at a new power sharing arrangement. Venus is love, Pluto is transformation, the quincunx is an aspect of karmic readjustment. Our relationships and how we love each other and ourselves is evolving.
So last night, after two whole days of 'trying'...it seems he has already given up.  It is just too hard for him.  I stuck to my guns, either things change or it's over.  He has until July 1st to show me change or instead of making the house payment, I am asking the bank to do a short sale.  If he has made significant changes, then I will give him one month and see how I feel about it.  As for the above prediction....yes this confrontation of relationships has peaked, there is adjustment needed to our significantly new dynamics, plenty of give n take needed....and there is definately a new 'power' arrangement.  Our relationship IS evolving, but we still have to answer the question....will it be together or apart.  Question of the day for sure.  No matter what, he is hyper aware of the gravity of the situation.  Which is good, as he seemed oblivious to it for the last 6 weeks.
UPDATE: So I got home after writing this, and low n behold, we ended up deciding on divorce. I am not sure if today is the last of the retrograde, or the first day of no longer being in retrograde.....Either way, it comes as no shock to me that this happened on this day. All the things that were revealed during the retrograde, are now coming to fruition.  All the wishy washy is over, my marriage is over, my house to be left behind in the wake of destructin and nothing but new beginnings.

June 28-July 31 Leaving Retrograde Zone (Post retrograde phase)

July 2 to 16-Venus again opens up the communication channels in our relationships. We had this aspect back in early May before Venus had turned retrograde. Now, in the final direct phase, it gives a much longer than usual time for affectionate sharing of thoughts, and for the resolving of the tension which has been ongoing for some time now. This will likely climax around July 5 an aspect pattern which uncovers secrets, in this case through creative inspiration or flashes of insight. There is the possibility of unexpected news, new information which leads to higher awareness and breakthroughs.

July 9 & 22nd are favorable and influential days for marriage

July 27th "Much suffering through love affairs owing to unrestrained feelings" 

The journey ends on July 31 2012 -  ”Trouble through love affairs, scandal, enemies among women“. This has been the major theme running through all this story. It started with confronting the karmic pain, the deep wound in the soul memory of being abandoned, betrayed or rejected. Just like the retrograde station, Venus is trine Saturn meaning the end result is maturity and wisdom from having dealt seriously with the issues and any guilt or shame is lifted.This false friends of own sex makes sense when the main theme has been the other woman or the other man, triangular relationships. This will be important again in the November 2012 Lunar Eclipse

July14-Aug 7 2012 Mercury Retrograde in Leo
Predicting this is not the time to move forward agressively with something 'new'.  Rather sit back and let things unfold as they may.  Click here for more info on Mercury retrograde


As this retrograde period continues, I will post updates here on this post, on the dates listed above, and tell you if anything interesting or out of the ordinary happens, as they predicted, and how it matches up with the prediction.