"I'm Sorry"

Two little words that can seal a crater…OR….drive the knife in your heart a little bit deeper.  I’ve learned that “I’m sorry” often times means nothing, nothing compared to ones actions.  It’s true, actions definitely do speak louder than words.  Last night, as usual, my husband was ‘helping’ me do something.  But did not tell me he was doing so, and in his carelessness where I was concerned, I got hurt pretty bad.  He is always in a hurry, and I can’t go fast enough or efficient enough to satisfy him….and somehow I end up bruised at best.  So he nearly broke my elbow last night pulling an ice back out of the freezer from behind me.  I had no idea he was there….the ice had melted and then hardened back to one giant block of ice.  As he was pulling it out, I moved my elbow in that direction and WHAMO….I was seeing stars and cursing to the heavens.  Blah Blah Blah….10 min later….he was pissed at me….ME!!! Because I was upset that I was hurt.  I had accepted his apology, as benign as it was, but my son was trying to make me feel guilty and in my explanation to him, my husband got mad at me.  I am an intelligent woman, and I can totally understand accidents, and I can whole heartedly forgive them.  But not when your ‘accident’ is due to complete and utter carelessness with a total lack of consideration for those around you…namely ME…..and someone gets hurt….namely……ME!!  As usual, in the end…..”I” was the one graveling begging for forgiveness.  Honestly….after 19ys….how the fuck can I still be such a pathetic fucking wimp.  For god sakes….he is moving out in 2 weeks.  We are in fact getting a divorce….and I am still begging HIM forgiveness for hurting ME.  This morning, after icing my elbow for over an hour last night, I have a huge lump on the bone and it is killing me.  But it’s very comforting to know…..”Accidents happen”.  ARGHHHHHHH….!@#$%^&*(

~S~