Plenty of Fish in the Sea.....DEAD fish that is...

There may be "plenty of fish in the sea"

But they aren't online...

Goodbye online dating….for good.  You served a purpose and served it well.  You got my feet wet in the world of dating after being out of the scene for 20ys.  You brought me some real characters and I learned a lot from your interesting ways…..but it’s over.  I’m breaking up with you.  Not one of the men you provided me was a quality man with normal social skills.  Well maybe man #25, but still….he’s not “the one”.  I’m a living breathing creature with above average social skills and I’m kind of cute too, just not photogenic.  I don’t know if my pics portray me in a way that only certain men are drawn to me online, or if that is just what is “available” on line.  My best friend explained that the “free” sites have less serious men.  So maybe someday I might try Match.com or Eharmony…..but for now, it is just me and the real world filled with real men.  Men whom I can tell instantly if we have mutual attraction and then we can go from there.  Not the way it has been, talking to an investing time in a bunch of men who went no where.  I am not bitter, don’t get me wrong….we just are not compatible, you and I.  No more pervy penis pics, no more begging for pics of me naked, no more social morons, no more!  I may get a little bored…but that’s ok.  It’s just motivation to get out there and find those men in the grocery store…like the butcher who remembers me every time I come in now.   Not to mention….Dan the cowboy…..until next time…..arrivederci  POF and OKC…..I’m bouncing!

~S~

Are you Kidding me? Really? Man #16

I just have to get this off my chest, or ass, or what ever fucking body part you men are focusing on.  When you say in your online profile that you are a BIG guy but proportioned...and show up with a gut the size of a keg....THAT is NOT proportionate!  No matter how fucking tall you are.  So when you show up to a first meeting with a chick who is disproportionately better looking than you, you have ALOT of nerve judging HER in any manner.  Dude's....seriously?  I think I am totally bailing on the whole online dating thing.  I'm just not cut out for it.  I'm not a cold hearted bitch and I don't have the heart to say...."I'm sorry....you're just too big".  I'm new at the dating thing anyways, so I know I have to get better at speaking my mind that "we are just not a good fit".  I'm such a fucking woosie in this department.  I hate to hurt anybody's feelings. And it's part of my growth to be able to stand up for myself and speak my mind.  He was sweet, respectful and fun to be around, and I honestly enjoyed his company....But good God..... he would smother me....literally.  Many things snap under too much weight....twigs, swings, bridges, buildings....and believe it or not..... 5'2" women! I know it will come off as shallow or superficial....but I don't even care anymore.  Especially when you are sizing ME up like a used car.  Like you are actually going to find a used Lexus with every option available with only 10K miles for a measly $2K.  Go ahead and kick my tires bro, just don't be surprised when you go to turn me on and my battery is dead! 

Yet again, I have to look in the mirror and evaluate that "black widow" status.  Fuck! I hate when people call me out on something I don't like, and after careful observation it just might be true.  But in my deffense on yet another man whose blood I appear to have sucked on....this guy was BIG.  And all I hear about is how 'women' lie about thier weight and show up to a first meeting a hundred pounds bigger than expected.  Well, guys do it too....and I feel sorry for all of us 'honest' 'open' 'forthecoming' people who have to find a way to tactfully wiggle our ways out of it.  I just can't wait to hear all my girlfriends say "I told you so".....bitches!  I'm never going to be able to live this whole thing down.  Anyone have a good rock I can crawl under?

Then there is this 27yo that I have been chatting with from OKCupid and all he has on his mind is sex.  sex, Sex, SEX.  Gotta cut the line on this little fishy too, even though he is cute....because if he asks me one more fucking question about my body, I'm going to blow my own fucking brains out. On what planet do horny little boys (yes I'm calling all you immature 20somethings BOYS) think that a mature woman, cougar on the hunt or not, wants to be asked every lewd question there is to be asked about her body?  I'm about to just post my stats on my profile, so I don't ever have to be asked those questions again.....

SWF seeks NORMAL ..SWM,  5'2" blonde hair, size 16 (for real) smoldering blue eyes, 42-32-49.  I shave daily....every where a man would hope that a woman would, my nipples get hard when I'm cold, my ass is fucking fantasic in my thong, I sleep in the nude, occasionally masterbate, and yes...I want to have mind blowing sex....sometimes even on the first date.  Fuck it....there!  I said it...so don't fucking ask! 

Seriously, if these are my options, I'm just going to go get drunk and fuck the next good looking thing to hit on me at the bar,  because none of these men have been worth it....and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can and will do better than this in person.  Time to get out of the house and go talk to that hot single butcher at the grocery store that flirted with me.

ARGGGG

~S~

I'm a "Man Eater" ??

That's right, I was accused of being a "man eater".....lil 'ole harmless me.  Why? You ask.  Because I had the audacity to sleep with 2 whole men, in the 'love 'em and leave 'em" fashion that men are so accustom to torturing us women with on a daily basis.  But I thought long and hard about the accusation, wondering if there may infact be some truth to it.  So I decided to check my stats and share.  I'll let y'all be the judge.  Keep in mind I have only been single for 9 weeks.  Well actually 4.5 months, but only free to do as I please for 9 weeks.  And because I am pretty much living in the moment, not the past, and barely the near future....I tend to forget how much of what I have done, has added up to.

Since I joined POF, (plenty of fish)  8-19-12.  (The following stats are POF only, not Tagged) Since then, I have made first contact to roughly 100 men.  Less than 10% replied.  Men have made first contact with me roughly 30 times. I have had conversations with 42 men in 6 weeks.  Many of them complete pervs, or men I am just flat out not attracted to.  Another good chunk of them, the conversation just goes no where, and either I or they stop messaging out of sheer boredom.  I have been asked out on real live dates by 5 men.  2 stood me up, 1 I was not attracted to, 1 the date in question was too far off and I forgot about him and kind of blew him off since he did not keep contact with me, and the 4th is man #8.  I have been asked out for a quick meet-n-greet by 4 men, and I have invited 1 to meet me.  2 are pending for next week, 1 flaked and bailed before the meet when the conversation turned sexual and his mind could not be swayed otherwise, and one just asked me today so we are working out details now.  And then there is Man #11.  Catagory: sexual only, hook up only, he'd better blow my mind!  Have to wait to meet him as I have plans this weekend for my birthday.  We are planning on hooking up next weekend. 

So I made a list....of all the men I have either met in person, or at least scheduled a meeting regardless of outcome, and the ones I have pending.  I was a little shocked at the results...14 and counting.  Crap, that sounds like alot for a 9 week period.  If you were to have asked me, the number in my mind was more like 8.  I have heard from other women that it has taken them months to get ONE meeting out of POF.  I'm not so sure I can catagorize myself as a "man-eater", but I think I am going to have to accept the fact that I am deffinately a "player"...probably a high stakes one as well.  Hmmmm Cyber Slut-O-Rama for sure, if you count the hundreds of men I have talked to online on tagged over the last 6 months. But none of those, ok well a few of them, did I ever have intentions of meeting...it was just a "sexy friend" flirting kind of thing.  So now that I am on POF, I can say, this is NOT my first internet rodeo, but my intentions have changed since I slowed my playing on tagged.  I would realy like to meet someone steady, with sex on the side.....someone whom I truly enjoy his company.  But I'm so sure I'm ready for that.  We shall see.  I'm just learning as I go.  Learning about men, myself, and dating.  And god I need to get laid soon. Laid GOOD.
~S~

Am I just setting myself up for disapointment again? Man #8

So do ya'll remember man #3...the one I really liked?  The one who was hilarious and sweet.  Respectful with just the right twinge of badboy.  The one, we texted all week up to the morning of the scheduled date.  The one who cancelled the morning of the date and then NEVER contacted me again.  Well, I REALLY liked him, and it was very disapointing to have that happen.  For God sakes I went to go buy a dress...a DRESS I tell you.... for this date....ME....the non dress wearing gal.

Well, here we go again.  I met another man on POF that I really like, we'll call him man #8.  Sunday, after playfully texting all day, we talked on the phone for an hour and half.  Based on his pics and the phone conversation, I could really see myself being attracted to him.....BIG TIME.  Our schedules for the next couple weeks will not allow us to have a first meeting for a while, which could have been to his detriment, as I get bored quickly waiting around.  He is a Capricorn to my Libra, basically doomed to fail if one pays attention to the atrological signs. Capricorns are extreemly patient and take thier time, they are the epitome of an earth sign, grounded and stubborn.  Libra's, the epitome of the air signs, can move like the wind if not harnessed quickly.  The way I have been approaching my new single life, I had to tell him...If you want to catch this fish, don't dick around with baiting your hook too long.....I just might swim away. 

For all I know, this will go no where in the end, so why put my single life on hold to just be stood up, right?  Not saying that I think he would do that....but I never in a million years would have dreamed (the way it was going) that man #3 would have done it.  I'm still completely baffled as to what happened there.  Christian Carter mentioned in one of his programs that the 'reason' a guy didn't call doesn't matter...all we as women need to pay attention to, is the FACT that he DIDN"T call.  Actions speak louder than words, if he doesn't call, he's just not interested....the WHY is not important.  So, I try not to let the mystery make my mind spin out of control.  Besides, #3 was a Libra too....we are fickle little things.

Anyways, back to #8. We talked on the phone again last night for over 2 hours, and now I am hooked.  CRAP!!!  I started to get feelings.  Now I'm not talking about emotional feelings here, I'm talking about physical feelings.  Tingly feelings.  The kind I havn't felt for some time now.  So it is quite a compliment to any man, if he can cause those feelings.....and we weren't talking sexy to each other either.  Just normal conversation and SHAZAM.....what the fuck just happened??  Seriously? I am TOAST.  If this guy does THAT to me, and we havn't even been naughty.....I am dead meat for when we do.  I'm sitting here, trying to be patient, trying to be good.....but I just can't wait 3 or more weeks to meet him.  I can't.  I'm going to have to figure this damn thing out on how to get our schedules together quicker than that.  He may be a patient person, extremely patient in fact......I however am NOT.  I need to know soon if we have this same chemistry in person before I free fall and the disapointment is too much to bear.  "Hope", is a good thing, but it's not something I can survive on for long.  I need to know for certain before I get myself too invested in this. Despite my best efforts not to be, I am already more invested in this guy than I want to be.  CRAP

I couldn't help it.  We seem so compatible, never ran out of things to talk about, I was at ease to be myself and not be judged....and he felt the same way.  At one point he said to me, "I don't know if you can tell, but I'm really into you" and also "I'm forcing myself to patient, I don't want to scare you away"  really?  REALLY??  when I really like someone, i don't scare that easily, bring it on "mountain man".....take me away.

Time to let man #7 'catfish man" down gently after that aweful date....as it is definately NOT in the cards for him....
~S~

Dating Profile Review: the Freaks come out on Sunday

New profile preliminary results

OK….so I looked over my emails, I save the ones of the men who clicked that they wanted to meet me, and here is what I noticed.  Keep in mind that my main profile pic has not changed, but the mini blurb half paragraph that shows up beneath it has.  I updated my profile yesterday, and in the last 24 hours 11 men have clicked “yes” to me.  Compared to the fact that it took the last 2 weeks to garner the same results.  Now this data is excluding men who just flat out messaged me, skipping that step.  So, I’m going to have to say that the preliminary results are good and I’m on to something.  With each experimental profile, it gets better and better.  Now I've also had a few more men actually message me.  

One of which is a little promising.  He's good looking, some one I definitely can see my self being attracted to, (first meeting surprises withstanding) and I don't think he's sooo pretty that he's out of my league.  Rather I think we are on an even playing field on that one.  We're suppose to talk on the phone this evening, so we'll see how that goes.  He's in the "sweet spot"  the perfect blend of "nice guy" meets "bad boy".  He's a bit of a flirt, but in a classy way and he has a good sense of humor.  Fingers crossed on this one.

Now, on to the freaks.  Sunday morning must be when all the good guys are at church or something, leaving all the pervs and weirdo's to run amuck on POF.  I've had 5 'meet me's" in the last couple hours alone, and 4 guys message me.  One for sex, one for a blow job, (those were some super hot cuties though) And two weirdo's one i had to block.  So while this new profile begets me the freaks again, I am getting more men I might be attracted to as well as the "nice guys" that I am not.  And let me clarify, it's not the nice guy personality i'm not attracted to, it's a physical thing that these particular 'nice guys' brought with them.

One i just told him that I am starting a relationship.  who's gonna argue with that?  He wished me luck and away he went, no hurt feelings.  I can live with that.

Anyways, I may need to tweak my profile to try to get the weirdo's to go leave me alone.  The last profile just about put a stop to that!  Need to now find a way to blend the two.

I'm not looking for a serious relationship, But I'm not looking for one night stands either.  I hope to find a guy that I enjoy his company, we hang out once or twice a week, have some great sex....and maybe down the road see where it goes.

Is that too much to ask?

~S~

Mother nature kicking my ASS

Well, when you hit the single ground running, and you play hard and decide to die later…..eventually it all catches up with you and life makes you take a rest. A week ago last night, I got a horrible pain in my back.  Thinking it was a pulled muscle, I surged forward until Friday when it became painfully obvious it was not.  The doctor confirmed pneumonia, and bed rest was all I was looking for.  I was out of it all last week, really didn’t talk to many men on line and quite honestly just didn’t care.  I think subconsciously I knew I was sick.  I spent this last weekend in bed, and took yesterday off work for good measure.  I really do need to take better care of myself and listen when my body tells me it’s had enough.  My soul often times doesn’t care what else of me has to suffer to make itself happy.  My girlfriend came over and I set up an online profile for her as well.  I ate her pot roast she brought over and luckily kept it down.  But Sunday I made a few new man friends online that kept me up until 1am.  I know I just said I need to take care of myself….but c’mon….a gals gotta eat right.  If there are dates to be had for this weekend, I surely am not going to spit into the wind when it’s blowing my direction.  So maybe this weekend I may have a couple more dates lined up.  IF… it doesn’t go well….I will be implementing tactical plan B.

Which is to say, strategically hunting for men in person and flat out putting my self in front of them.  Going on a “man hunt” as Lauren Francis calls it, and finding these supposed “meatloaf” men at Wholefoods as David Wygant calls it.  I have to say that I am such a shameless flirt, that plan B just may be a whole lot more fun that Plan “Online” A has been.  I am very gregarious anyways, so bring it on Shelly…..go get your grove on.  At some point I am going to be so sexually frustrated that I just might explode.  5….4…..3…..2……..NONE

~S~

Meeting men is...."Common Sense"?....I think not

I've read a few blog posts hating on programs such as Christian Carters, but seriously, if you haven't listened to them....you have no right to hate.  Hate not the presenter nor the dumb ass woman (or man) who needs the help.  Online dating is not as easy as writing a little bio, adding a cute pic, hitting the submit button and watching the love pour into your inbox.  Oh no....it seems there is a very serious trick to this....and being of normal, or even above normal inteligence is of little use.   After listening to the whole "inside the mind of a man" series....I can say with all certainty.....it SHOULD be common sense....but it just isn't.  Whether you are like me, having been married for 20ys and feeling like I've never been on a date before.....OR.....someone who has been single for a long time and just can't figure out what you're doing to scare men off.....This is a great program so you can just understand and make ANY sense at all of what really goes thru a guys mind.  There are several guest speakers in the program that are hilarious and insightful and offer us a window into what OUR emotions can look like to a man.  How OUR emotions can be the driving force behind our actions, that cause us to do what we would maybe not ordinarily do.  Emotions that override any lean toward common sense and good judgement. And of course the underlying message to it all is to work on evolving our authentic selves. To bring our 'best self' to every situation, no matter how big of a dweeb the guy is when he shows up to that date.  Paying it forward, and genuinely caring about a human being even when you are not attracted to him, will earn you karma points when you meet the man of your dreams.

This is no shameless marketing scheme, as I will admit many of the guru's do use.  This is honest feedback from a woman with an IQ of 142, who couldn't even get the dweebs to reply to her messages. If you want to attract men, YES, you need common sense.  But if you show up on the play ground using a woman's common sense and not a man's....you will be playing on the swings by yourself or with the perverts.

I'm so thankful that I bought all of Christian Carter's programs, as they really are helping me.  They are all in my Ipod now, and I can listen to them anywhere and everywhere.  Christian is also generous enough to share other guru's that I would have otherwise never heard of.  Many of which I am now looking into purchasing their products as well.  As soon as these sell on ebay of course and I have some money again.

Anyways, I just wanted to write a review of my own to have floating out in cyber space to counter act the haters who have never even listened to the products. I'm a real woman, who has gotten real improvement to my dating life thru the use of these programs.  So do yourself a favor, spend the money and buy one.  Become the sex kitten, the girl next door, the femme fetal....that every man chases.  She's hiding just beneath the surface....you just need the key to set her free.

My favorite guest speakers from various products of Christians, whom I completely recommend as well include:
Lauren Francis, become an expert flirt to attract any man you want
Marie Forleo, learn to live in the moment and become irresistable
David Wygant, dating coach and expert who really gets men and is hilarious
Patty Contenta, become a sensual goddess and draw men like a moth to a flame
(will ad more as I find their names) (will ad links when i get time for now do a google search)

The cup runneth over.... with FLAKES!

Luckily I have been listening to Christian Carters dating programs...otherwise after this weekend I would be devestated and thinking quite ill of myself.  These two 'great' guys were nothing more than flakes. Fridays date cancelled in the morning and I haven't heard back from him since, and saturdays date thought it was for monday (ya right) and stood me up.  That was a first for me and it was such a lovely feeling...NOT!!  Oh well, thier loss as I was otherwise snatched up in a few minutes by another potential within just a few minutes.  Friday, I got to play cougar with a 25yo enlisted man.  We played pool and chatted and had a nice time.  Kissed a couple times...no sparks.  Saturday I met up with a man I have been trying to meet for months now....again...no sparks.  So I have decided on a new rule...when asked out on a date, I will tell them up front, that I will not show up, unless I get a confirmation call the day of.  Number 2....move from email to texting to phone call to first date as quickly as possible...no reason to invest all this energy for long periods of time for NOTHING....ya know?

Saturday morning however, I had a social function I attended doing a hobby of mine and low and behold a very elig bachelor was there, and everyone is now trying to set us up.  I'm totally on board with it.  It would be VERY nice to spend time with someone that has the same MAJOR hobby as I do.  Also turns out, I dated him a couple times 20 or so years ago, though I have no recolection what so ever of the dates, he does, and I do remember him as we used to work together back then.  Hmmm, how interesting.  I'm beginning to wonder if I infact will ever get laid again.  I just may have to stop turning down all these hot young men and just go for it!  The ex is finally chilling out and...for now anyways....stopped hounding me to take him back.  Met a few more potentials online, though I can tell right now that I will not be sexually attracted to them, despite how utterly sweet and romantic they are.  But I promised myself that I would explore all options, as maybe my screening process has filtered out some really great men that, once I get to know them, I might become more attracted to them.  Somehow I doubt it, but I am going along with it for now.  Cuz....ya just never know!
~S~

Holy Crap...too many men....GOOD men...

I'm a little over whelmed at the moment.  My little social experiment, my little funny online dating profile, WORKED.  I have more dates at the moment than I can handle, and not ONE single penis pic sent to me!  These are so far, decent, intelligent, funny men.  Who are treating me with respect.  I don't even have to gently guide them in that direction.  I have currently 5 men trying to schedule a physical date with me.  Statistically, I have been on Plenty of Fish or POF for a little more than a week.  The majority of that week was a DUD, with all the activity picking up dramatically this last weekend.  And the best part.....DRUM ROLL PLEASE......  I have a DATE this Friday with a man who is AWESOME.  I know if it weren't for Christians cd's...I'd be blowing this BIG TIME...and I still might....so I am considering it nothing more than an experiment and practice....but hopeful I don't screw it up. 

He has been courting me, just like a man SHOULD, and he is doing it with FLAIR.  I get weak in the knees for sure.  I have never been pursued this way in all my life.  It is almost scary.  So this is the time to get a firm grip on my big girl panties, not get my knickers in a twist....and be cool as a cucumber and KEEP on making dates with other men.  My exclusivity IS a gift, and a man will have to ask for it to get it!

I am trying to fit these dates into an already filled schedule.  But the attention and results has allowed me to breath a little and know that I...CAN...do this.  And I am having sooo much fun.  I think I am going to really like dating, and now that I have learned from Christian Carter how not to create an instant relationship fantasy in my head, I think I will be able to better show the real me, and have tons of suitors on the line.  I feel like a little kid in a candy store...I just hope I don't throw up from all the sugar!  And maybe...just maybe...there is some fantastic SEX in my future, NEAR I hope!

~S~

What I am learning from Christian Carter

OMG....I know my marriage and it's failure is a 50/50 stock in it's demise, and I know that the kiss of death was the final affair he had.  Had he not done that, we would still be together today as I was a sorry excuse of a pile of goo not worthy to consume so much air.  IE: no back bone.  A couple of my friends were/are decidedly insistent that I get counseling, because there is no way....NO WAY....someone could go thru what I went thru for two decades and not need professional help.  And my whorish behavior was not helping my cause to deny a need for such help.  How ever, I haven't yet slept with a single man, so....I'm just saying....

Anyways, I decided that I did need some help...with DATING.  I have been locked up for so long that I just knew I was going to spaz out on some men and scare them away at best.  No way for a lady to get laid, that's for sure!  I have been on Christian Carter's email list for a while now and have been intrigued to say the least.  But poor as well. He is the dating guru to the girls.  The 'inside the mind of a man' guy.  The 'catch him and keep him' guy.  ...The "don't be a spaz "Shelly" guy. I knew I needed his help as I was leaning this direction.  Leaning in the direction of trying to force my life into the direction that I wanted it to go.  I'm a great catch and I know it....but how do I get guys to know it if I can't get them to ask me out?  What am I doing wrong?  I'm a very attractive woman(sexy, hot, beautiful are the words said to me), according to men, but not attractive enough to be seen in public with.  Hmmm.  I knew this just could not be true.  I messaged quite a good number of men and not a one of them replied, no matter HOW or WHAT I said in that message. 

So, I did the only thing I could do...I scouted out used copies of Christian's program.  I have gotten them all except one....and let me say...OMG... am I going to have fun DATING.  Honestly, I am not ready for a relationship....a knew it before...but it is for sure now.  My husband did a number on me for 2 decades, and I fell pray to all the common women's response to his bull shit.  Maybe if I had these programs back in the day, I could have averted many of our pitfalls, but I doubt it.  He was an alcoholic, and we were doomed to a marriage of mediocrity from the get go.  However, I never want to live that way again, so not only do I want to be able to spot an unhealthy man quickly, I want to know how to ATTRACT the right man, and know how not to push him away once I do find him.  I don't want to fall for a man, I want to fall in love because I CHOSE the right man. I know his programs are going to help me do just that.  And why do I know this?

Because I am learning how to control myself, learning to heal myself, learning that my husbands problems of infidelity and alcohol issues were NOT my fault.  I'm learning how a guy might perceive my behavior, not me girlfriend's.  I personally think these tapes will be far better for me than counseling ever would have been.  I love some of the 'experts' he has interviewed as well Such as Marie Forleo and Lauren Francis. I can't wait to get thier stuff too, along with many other guest speakers he has shared in his programs.

The best part about them, is that I am getting instant results too.  I happen to be very introspective and study from programs like this all the time, so I am quick to understand, conceptualize and put into practice.  While I will eventually go back and do each program with pen in hand.  At the moment I am just listening to each CD as fast as I can, to get thru them ALL, so I could figure out how to chill and stop forcing my life.  I have all this pent up sexual energy that is literally bursting out of me.  I can only unleash it on the guys at the gay bar for so long before I will explode!  The partying is almost out of my system, and my gay guy friends really help me cut loose and let it all out.  I'm going to have to contact Christian and thank him as soon as I get more of myself figured out.  I've been listening to non stop Cd's in the car on my commute, and my inner spirit has already undergone a major overhaul that the whole world around me is commenting on.  Thanks Christian....you ROCK!  You have saved a whole lot of men from my uncontrollable sexual tension.

I will be blogging soon about Marie and Lauren as they have helped me immensely as well.

Peace n Love
~S~

Click here for more info on Christian Carter and his amazing products.

My Hilarious POF online dating profile...IT WORKED!!!

I find it amazing, how I am getting a little more action with my new and improved sarcastic profile.  AND it is yielding better quality men...so far anyways....quality: as in appreciating ME for me, and not being douche bags.  They are respectful and hilarious and they are not sending pics of their cocks!  Well one did.  A cute lil cub who was out cougaring.  I swiftly sent him on his way after a lesson in how to actually get women without sending pics.

Now the other really fascinating thing about my new profile, is that 9/10 men who are contacting me.....are LIBRA'S.  Isn't that interesting? I'm a Libra too.  All have said they find me VERY interesting and funny and I appear to be someone they want to get to know.  While I may be turning off alot of men this way, to be honest, I'm finding it a great filter to keep men who probably would not like me anyways, from contacting me and wasting both our time.  I know a few men that would like me are turning into the 'big fish that got away'....but seriously......I was sickened to re-read the line of total CRAP was in the profile of the men who were showing or trying to show me their dicks and just wanted a piece of ass.

So here is an excerpt from my POF online profile as it stands.  I do NOT want anyone copying it, (I have a lawyer and fully intend to use them if someone does) But I am not taking chances by sharing the whole thing.  I am an original.  But I do want to share that I discovered that really NO good man was ever going to contact me from my 'average' profile that I had up at first.  This is what I wrote:

I enjoy my horses and spending time w friends.  I'm very social, but very much enjoy quiet times with those I love.  I'm easy going, but can be quite energetic and silly too.  I'm a writer/poet by hobby and I love great conversation... The more the better.  I'm very passionate about the things that interest me or are close to my heart.  I see the world differently than most people do and try to really live in the moment, not the past or the future.  I love the arts, especially contemporary dancing.... But I'm not stuffy or pretentious.... A good Honky Tonk suits me just as well.  My taste in music is eclectic, country, soul, alternative light rock.  I'm an old fashion romantic at heart.... And expect to be treated with respect and like a lady....My pets include 2 dogs, 2 cats, 3 horses and a 14yo son....LOL.  I'm not looking for a serious relationship, but if one swept me off my feet....then so be it. If you're looking for a real woman in every sense of the word, send me a message..... I'd love to meet a real man.

What's most important to me is good conversation with a down to earth person who is outgoing and positive, so a a nice stroll window shopping in a quaint little town, coffee, or darts at a dive bar is nice too.  I believe in having no expectations, so meeting as friends, and if there is chemistry, going from there.

....BLAH BLAH BLAH.  For crap sakes, a mediocre looking guy in a wheel chair didn't even respond.....I knew something was seriously wrong.  I am far...FAR...from unfortunate looking.  I googled how to write a good profile, and honestly, most of the advice directed me to write what I already had.  Not to mention, if every other woman on the planet reads the advice...aren't we going to end with the same profiles....AGAIN.  The key is to SHOW them your funny....not tell them you are funny.  So I googled "funny online profile for woman" and I found a blog that gave a guys perspective...and I instantly knew what I had to do.  By golly damnit, I am a funny woman and I am going to show them what the hell I have to offer.  The following paragraph is the intro to my profile....

You had me at "nice boobs"....
Looks aren't important to me, neither is age, weight or race.  You don't even need to be able to spell or write gud. I'm a cheap and easy date, two shots of whiskey and we'll be having sex in you're car outside the bar. The trashier you treat me, the easier I get. I'm not that brite and wont expect you to ever call me again.  For a good time call.......LOL....Seriously.... You didn't think this parody was real did you?  I read somewhere that 80% of men don't even read these things, so I thought I would have a little fun and give y'all your perfect fantasy profile read......THIS PART IS TOP SECRET...BUT YOU GET THE IDEA.....Those that need not message me:

1. Dirty old perv’s. Cuz.....EWWW

2. Hey Dude…ya…you….Look in your phone, if there is a picture of your penis in there….keep it there…I don’t want it in my phone

3. Pretentious, inflated ego-man-"I"-ack know it all’s… who think they are too damn smart or too damn pretty for the likes of most women.  If that is YOU….you are so ****ing right…..move ON. 
AGAIN TOP SECRET

I think y'all get the point about BEing different, not just SAYing you're different.  So go out, and write that profile that SHOWs how YOU are unique...and please don't plagiarize mine.

Looking for the one that stands out in the crowd!

I joined Plenty Of Fish….and created the PERFECT online dating profile.

I’ve been on there for 4 whole days and I’ve learned a lot so far.  Tagged was getting me no where, as it seems that it is a place for internet/phone Romeo’s only.  No live takers….got bored and the truth is, I am single now and want to date real live men.  So I joined POF as it is affectionately called.  I uploaded some cute pics of me and wrote what I thought was a genuine, witty and eloquent profile.  WRONG.  Despite the fact that I ‘really’ am not like most other women, or humans to be exact…turns out…when it comes to online profiles I am about as average and boring as the next gal.  Not only did I not get any takers, I was bold and messaged men and got NO responses either.  Say WHAT?  Being that I don’t look at other women’s profiles, how the hell would I know that every other woman wrote the same thing I wrote.  Not very original, and so unlike me.  Can’t have that.  So I did a little google research and viola…loads of tips….hoards of inspiration and I came up with what I think is the perfect profile for ME. And it sure as shit is original.  I have gotten two replies already today. And even though I come off as a sarcastic man hater….The two responses are treating me with more respect and less…let me show you my penis.

First let me say that there is a lot of ‘advice’ for creating a good profile, however, in the end….aren’t we all using that advice….thus….once again getting an un-original representation of ourselves out there.  And truth be told, you only get one shot from each man at a profile view. Likely if he saw the first one, he will not remember what you wrote, but he will remember that you didn’t catch his eye and likely…will never return to see your new and improved sales ad of yourself.

If you live in a small metro area, or worse the freakin hick sticks like me….you can’t afford to make that mistake.  So I’m relieved to know I caught and repaired my damage before I burned down the entire available dating pool in my age range.  Which by the way, is full of a bunch of dirty pervs lying about their age.  IF that is an accurate representation of men in their 40’s….Just fucking shoot me now. But since I am an intelligent and visually non impaired woman, I know that is not true.  Further more, I have noticed, unlike tagged.  There are actually men here in their 40’s that I am finding attractive. Maybe I won’t have to date in the wading pool anymore with the babies.  Though I do love their youthful spririt.

Anyways, I will try out this new profile for a few days and see how it does.  I have to say, on one hand it is nice to read what men have to say…or not say…about them selves.  Though for a good deal of them it is still just a load of crap…they can talk themselves up all they want, but in the end they are still just the guy who whips his penis out on the fourth message, so I am not taking too much stock in the profile reads….unless they are funny….you can’t walk away from a funny profile, nor can someone fake being funny!

~S~

 

My new gay boyfriends

So my sister came, we got our tattoo's fixed and she decided rather than going to a regular club, sit by the way side quietly and bored as I devour every man in the bar with my eyes, that we should go to a gay bar.....where "I" can sit by quietly and watch HER pick up women.  Well, I don't sit by quietly anywhere, and I am sure am not gonna let a little thing like no available straight men hold be back from flirting!!!  Guess that's the Libra in me!  Social Butterfly extraordinaire.  I had the most wonderful amazing time playing with all the gay lil boys in the bar, and even turned down a very good offer from a VERY hot 24yo green eyed Grecian God.  My third rebuttal of a very VERY hot young thing as of late.  Seems I am drawing the 20 something gorgeous kinky freaks out of the wood works this week.  They just come on a little too strong for me.  They were a little too crass.  I prefer the art of the subtle seduction.  So pay attention boys, if you really want to learn from an older woman, and she gives you advice rather than blow you off.....it means that if you take her advice she will give you what you desire.  If she has no intention on doing so.....you'd already be deleted! 

So the bartender at the gay club....what a freaking cutie!  Tim...was his name....and I wanted to just squish him up and put him in my pocket and take him home!  He made a great drink too....the Timmy Tonga....yummy....just like him.  There was also Ben and Manny a cute young couple, and El Salvadorian Hottie, Ziggy.....what a love bug....and more that I was just too drunk to remember thier names.  They danced with me, and damn near gay man raped me out there....I loved it!  I will definately be going there again....soon!

I also have a few online friends that may or may not move forward soon into the physical world....finally!  Juan, a Peruvian lover who finally asked me out.....but...we need to coordinate this as he lives quite a distance away.  He wants to drive over 300 miles to take me to dinner....and more I hope!  Then Steve...the unavailable sweet heart whom I pic-slutted myself out with last week.  He's still poking his head in from time to time....so not holding my breath there, but since that one is one that I desire purely sexual relations with...I'm willing to over look some of the hot/cold behavior.  One of the youngins I turned away, was simply because I found out he is engaged.  He freely admitted it, and I freely...and quickly declined.  I refuse to knowingly do to another what was done to me. There are plenty of hot men around to sleep with....

The ex has been hot and cold between complete silence and ignoring me....to fucking straight up insanity begging me back and accusing me of things that are just simply no longer any of his business.  Who cares if I didn't wait for the body to get cold before jumping on every man in sight.....he screwed around while the body was still ALIVE......so....sadistic as this may sound......he deserves to feel every shred of pain he is feeling right now....maybe he will discover....EMPATHY!

The weekend is approaching fast and I have plans (albeit loose ones) with my girlfriend for friday night.  We are going to dinner a movie and massages....and if she gets called into work...she said she'd drop me at the gay bar while she runs to work for about an hour....yippee.....!!!   And I just might take up this one very sweet 28yo for coctails at the gay bar on sat night.  Sounds like a plan to me!

Happy Hunting
~S~

Cyber dating VS Physical dating

The similarities are staggering between a cyber date and physical date…..when it comes to the question….”Did I just act like a slut?”  If you have to ask, the answer is probably YES.  While I was still with my husband before the final split, cyber dating was the only way I was gonna get any action.  It’s called an emotional affair as opposed to a physical affair.  When you and your suitor are 2000 miles apart, and you are sexually attracted to each other…..dirty talk and pictures (or web cam) and phone calls are ALL you have.  It is relatively harmless to send a pic to someone.  Your not gonna get pregnant nor contract aids.  It is easy to do, and the results are exactly the same as they are when you put out on a real date.  You're viewed as a SLUT.

I have been in a bad habit of sharing pics when I'm asked for them.  I had put up little to no fight if I was turned on, and sometimes even when I wasn’t.  I did notice that a couple times, I felt like if I didn’t, they wouldn’t like me….but I can assure you, with the exception of one…….after a pic fest…..they bailed.  Even my one….Owen….retreats then comes back for more……later.  The better and more emotionally involved we get, the longer he stays away.  Hmmm, how interesting. 

Well, I have this one REAL man on the line.  I am finally going LOCAL with my online friends in hopes of a date.  A real date.  With a real live man.  I had two during the first week of my single life and learned two things.  One….I’m too easy.   Two….I need to trust my instincts.  If before the date I think I will likely not be attracted….then I need to just not go.  Now this new guy…Steve….I kinda like him…but he really is not available…yet.  But I was torn between my lust/physical needs and my self respect.  And I made the mistake of photo sharing….ugh…..and now….no contact from him.  Just like in the physical world, we can be over come by desire and do stupid things in the moment that we regret the second the phone goes silent.  So I had to think long and hard about what kind of relationship I just may be looking for from this guy in the first place.  Turns out….probably just physical anyways…so no harm.  IF I should hear from him again, I will likely act on my impulses and womanly needs and get my itty bitty dumb ass brains Rattled and  ROCKED!

But in all seriousness….I decided I had better get smart about this and not only have fun with dating, but do it right.  I purchased a dating coaching cd set by Christian Carter and with it came some interviews with dating experts.  Two of them so far, I LOVE….and am going to get their books as well and start implementing the techniques they advise immediately.  One is Marie Forleo….I really loved her energy and thoughts about if you want to express your sexual feelings and are thruthfull and authentic with yourself about why you want to express these sexual feelings, then why not do it.  The other is Lauren Francis and she is a real hoot.  She offers real gems as far as dating advice goes and she is a blast to listen to.  So I decided to start a single woman’s club using her techniques, so I can meet other women to go man hunting with…in a pack!

I will be looking to start these techniques and club next weekend as my sister is going to be visiting from out of state this weekend.  I have not spoken to my husband since his irrational outbursts on Monday…..going to leave well enough alone and have me some fun!

Stay tuned….it is sure to be a real blast being a romantic researcher!

~S~

Online Date: Man #2

This is a good lesson for all you sexters out there……TRUST your GUT…and meet at Starbucks!  I had a feeling based on pics and a phone conversation that there may be little to no attraction in person once we met….boy was I right.  He was OK looking, but not really my type.  I could tell he was a super sweet guy though and figured “who couldn’t use another friend?”  We had a nice friendly chat on the phone, and lots of friendly text messages.  I got straight to business though and scheduled a meeting.  I’ve been single for 3 whole days now and we’re burning daylight here!  Not to mention, let’s just not pussy foot around and waste time investing in each other if there is not chemistry.  Starbucks it is.  When I got there, I knew immediately that my preconceived “out” was in order, so the first thing I said as he approached my car was…..”I don’t have long I have to get home and cook dinner for my son”.  Another lesson…..have your “out” story ready to go and well rehearsed so it sounds natural and authentic as it rolls off your tongue.  We walked inside and he put his arm around me right away……eeewwwww!  Really creeped me out.  He insisted on buying my coffee and I let him.  We talked for about 20-30 min as I was unable to endure a brain freeze by rushing thru my frappaccino.  He was nice and sweet but there was just NOTHING there, and all I could think was…..”why didn’t I trust my gut?”  I need to get better at being “cold” and just telling them that we’re not a good fit.  Things to remember in the future….break the hearts quickly, it hurts a lot less.  So a quick duck of the face into his armpit to avoid an accidental kiss during the friendly hug goodbye and away my tires burned rubber.....NEXT !!!

~S~

Online date: Man #1

So my husbands’ u-haul just pulled out of the driveway.  It had been a long and exhausting 5 months since I first took a stand against the cheating, to the point where he was actually leaving.  I wanted to celebrate, but all my girlfriends already had plans.  So I hopped on tagged.com and struck up a conversation with a new ‘friend’ and we quickly decided to meet for drinks.  I hurried in the shower and hair department and got in my car and started the drive to the meeting point that was halfway between his hometown and mine.  When I arrived, he was cute and charming and down to earth.  I made all the first date faux pas….talking about the ex, in a fun and humorous way though, and proceeded to get myself quite lit.  We had good chemistry, and were flirting like mad with each other.  By the time the bar closed….I was well inebriated and easier than a wild bitch in heat.  We made out in the street against his truck and the next thing I knew….my pants were around my ankles.  Problem is…..I was not greeted with the….er um…tree trunk I had hoped for.  In fact, it was more like a cooking experiment that was left to boil a bit too long. I was quite disappointed and exited stage left as fast as I could.  There were a few things he did and had that eluded to the fact that this had nothing to do with me.  Any limp dicked man with a cock ring in his truck…..um ya….I can’t be the first woman this happened to.  Sad….he was fun and a really good kisser.  I have to say that being this easy is not exactly my style and not how I intend to behave on future dates.  I just figured….”I’m a grown ass mature woman and if I want to get laid in a truck outside a bar……so be it”….It just would have been nice if had been.  I’m just going to chalk this one up to ‘lesson learned’ and next time I decide to be a slut…I’m going to reach for the goods before my pants reach the floor.

Happy Dating

~S~

My Oh My…

Well, here I am just days away from freedom and peace….feeling a little sad….definitely feeling a whole lot of sexual frustration, and I feel like a race horse stuck in the starting gate.  He’s almost done packing and loading the trailer, and will be leaving for his new place on Saturday morning.  Part of me is thrilled that he is getting his act together and learning how to take care of his business by him self.  But another part is understandably irritated that he refused to make changes WHILE we were together.  As I have felt all along thru this process, I believe the ONLY way for either of us to make changes is away from each other.  To force us out of our complacency and comfort zones.

I met someone new yesterday, online of course, and we really seemed to hit it off well.  We'll call him Freddy.  We have a lot of common interests, he’s younger being 8ys my junior…..I think I really like this younger guy thing.  Though I am not holding my breath that we will have the same spark in person.  Physical chemistry is so vital and something that I just cannot fake.  But I sure do hope it is there.  There seems to be a magic bit of shine in younger guys that older men seem to have buffed off.  Now I am not here to say it is better or worse, as clearly I am older and my sheen is a bit dull as well, however, the allure of the younger man is that he polishes me up right nice.  I feel more alive with them and somehow as though I have a bit of my youth back that was stolen in that long relationship. 

Anyways, for all I know he may disappear tomorrow, but the good news is that I have hope that another will be right behind him to take his place.  I am in no hurry, I am going to do me and have some FUN!!  I am definitely ready to date, not ready for a serious relationship, and quite honestly wouldn’t mind a good steady friend with some fringe benefits from time to time.

~S~

The need to connect

"The first transatlantic telegraph cable was made of 340,500 miles of copper and iron wire, designed to stretch 2,876.95 miles along the ocean floor.  Once the cable was in place, you could use electrical impulses and signal code to send any message you wanted to the other side of the world.  Human beings are hard wired with the impulse to share our ideas and the desire to know you’ve been heard…… it’s all part of our need for community.  That’s why were constantly sending out signals and signs, and why we look for them from other people.  We’re always waiting for messages, hoping for connection,  and if we haven’t received a message, that doesn’t always mean it hasn’t been sent to us….sometimes it means we haven’t listened hard enough.

In spite of all our communication technology, no invention is as effective as the sound of the human voice.  When we hear the human voice, we instinctively want to listen,  in the hopes of understanding it….. even when the speaker is searching for the right words to say.  Even when all we hear is yelling, or crying, or singing.  That’s because the human voice resonates differently from anything else in the world.  That’s why we can hear a singers voice over the sound of a full orchestra.  We will always hear that singer, no matter what else surrounds it." Touched

I was listening to the news the other day, as background noise, and heard that facebook of all things is not doing well.  That people are actually BORED with it, and as such, stocks are falling....or something like that.  I didn't pay close attention because, let's face it, I couldn't really give a shit.  But, it occured to me that our need to connect with others has gone from taking years to cross a sea to make the first connection, to never having to really make another connection again.  Our insatiable appitite for satisfying ourselves right now, and the ability for sites like facebook and Tagged to feed that need in a nano second.....sharing the most mundane of daily 'experiences' with each other....has caused us to have burned out.  We are not REALLY connecting that way....and we have now opted out of house calls, voice calls, and shockingly email calls.....in exchange for texting and just posting our lives, never having to truly 'converse' ....we just read what is going on in our dearest loved ones lives....give it a thumbs up "Like"...and move on.  And what's really sad, if you google in the images section, the word 'touch'....99.9% of the results are technology based images. 

That is what I loved about bar hopping this  last weekend.  People were every where...in cars and taxi's....on bikes and walking.  There were 5-6 bars in a 9 square block area....intermingled with residential homes and frat houses.  Between the hours of 11pm and 2am, there was never a time when there wasn't people....REAL people on the street....interacting, talking, touching, laughing and living life.  When people talked, no one gave a thumbs up and shouted "Like"...they listened and laughed with them, and TALKED with them.  As people passed each other on the street, they smiled and said hello.  I made new friends and we talked for hours while dancing a little and sharing pics and things.

Of course at this stage in my marriage/divorce, I cannot be going out all the time....in fact barely at all....so my desire to connect is strong.  I take any form of connection I can...and at this point it is tagged.com.  I have male friends all over the country of every relationship status known to relationships.  I have reconnected with my friends that I ignored due to hanging out with Josh....and have accepted a fairly large group of new friends recently.  A few that I would love to meet in person, and a few that I would love to be cruel and just delete.  And, as always, my favorite...Owen.  Man would I love to meet him in person and tear him UP!  We have the BEST connection, even though it is digital.  And maybe, just maybe, someday we can connect in real life.
~S~

Curiosity......kills the Kat!

Oh Crap.  I can't believe sometimes the things I get myself into.   I was home alone Friday night, pondering what to do with myself.  I felt no inspiration to write…..guess I did enough of that all week…and I started to wonder what on earth it would REALLY be like…..being single with herpes.  Do I want to invest time into getting to know someone before blurting it out and getting the big fat rejection, or do I want to just lay it out there from the get-go and spare us both having wasted our time….energy….and heart on something that will go no where?  Then I got to thinking about some things a few of my tagged friends have told me…..and that is: lots of guys have it…..lots of guys don’t care.  And being that Josh didn’t care…I see that it is true….but just how many guys are we talking about?

I don’t know what possessed me, but I went to craigslist and posted an ad in the "personals" section. 
Basically a ‘poll’ asking if there was any hope for life after divorce with herpes.  I asked to message me if they ‘have’ it, or ‘would’ do it…..sleep with a woman who does have it.  I got a little frustrated because my ad was flagged and removed within 20min.  So I posted it again, it got removed again.  Lather, rinse, repeat 2 more times over the course of 3 hours.  But…in that short little window…I was shocked to receive quite a few responses!  Problem is….most of them think it was an urgent call to action!  No boys….not yet anyways.  I thought I was clear in that fact….but I guess I wasn’t clear enough....my bad.  None the less I have to say that I got a wide range of men responding.  Age 30 (buff hot young thing) to men I suppose in their early 50’s.  I was sent quite a few pics, and NONE of them are desperate pathetic looking geeks……so this was encouraging as well.  Considering as a slightly larger woman myself, I tend to think of myself as less desirable than the size 5 skeletons that grace the cover of magazines.  So when you take ALL this into account, it does seem promising that there are men out there for me, and pickens do not seem all that slim.  Woo Hoo

Now for another matter all together.  Let me say that I saw some pretty raunchy ads while I was on there.  Pics of cocks n such.  There was quite a bit that was graphic and X rated for sure.  Those ads were NOT being removed and I would just like to know why an honest ad, from a normal sincere woman, clearly just looking to move on with her life at some point including a MAN…..what on earth is so offensive that my ad needed to be flagged and removed, REAPEATEDLY.  I read the terms of use, which was lengthy btw, and I was not in violation of the rules.  WTF is wrong with this society that people clearly advertising them selves as total sluts and man whores, looking for a “hit it n quit it” without even the courtesy of a single drink…..that is somehow acceptable….and a decent woman looking for companionship with benefits is not.  I don’t get it.

More good news….I read some ads while I was there, responded, and ended up making a few friends that way as well. 

My curiosity will surely kill my kitty some day!
~S~

Update on My Angels

It seems as I am finishing up on posts that I had in draft mode, I haven't posted an update on my two angels....Owen my light angel and Josh my dark angel.  Mainly I have had a terrible week, my phone was jacked up and none of my aps worked, my atm card was frauded and then cancelled....I'm walking around with a temp card now till a new one comes, and I seem to keep getting stuck in road construction-accidents-slow pokes.  So here is the update on my angels....and internet friends.

Josh:
Josh and I haven't talked much as agreed....I am giving my husband that 3 week '2nd chance' and Josh got a new job.  However, as strongly as I believe that us meeting was written in the stars to heal me (read Venus retrograde)....I now realize....his purpose is fulfilled.  Maybe the rest is still unwritten....but I know we are not destined to BE together....just to have collided....we are far too different and in different stations of life....having nothing to do with age btw.  I am taking his gift of courage he gave me (an since I tattoo'd him on my ass) and treasure it for all time.  I knew when we met that it was meant to be....but not sure why?  I thought since we were both screwed up, it was to lift each other up.  He lifted me up, but I don't think I can lift him up.  He's not ready, and I don't want to be a teacher or a mother.  We are still friends, maybe even best friends, and one never knows what the future holds.....but for now.....I need to concentrate on the NOW.  Tomorrow will just have to take care of it self.

Owen:  Is back in my life.  Pitty I put him aside for Josh.....what a fucking hot sensual man.  I weep at the fact he lives soooo far away that we will likely never meet.  But as always, he showed up just when I needed his gifts.  Owen is my soul mate.  Tragic one unfortunately.  But if ever a man could please me just by being good at the things I REALLY like.....it would be him.  My heart had been closed for two weeks, and Owen walks in and opens it right back up.  Venus is definitely pouring from me when he is in my life.  I hope that some day, I get to find a partner that can reach the bar that he set so high.  Until then, he will remain my soul mate.

Online friends:....OUCH.....sad to say....I have neglected them all horrifically.  My inbox is full and I need to reply to them soon.  I just kinda let them all fall by the wayside when I met Josh.  So, I might be home alone tonight, if so I will catch up with them all and report back.  I'd like to know how my kinkier than hell friend is doing.  Last I heard....home made orgy porn was on the docket.....I just IM'd him, but it is Friday, so he is likely busy whoring it up with his mistress bitches and won't respond till after midnight or tomorrow.

that's the Friday update.....I still have quite a bit of poetry to finish that I have been writing this week.
~S~