The Dating Journey

We all have a place where we know we're supposed to be.  Where we know we need to be. Where we know we have to go.  And that place is being a mentally and emotionally healthy individual with as little baggage as possible, so we can have healthy relationships.  Generally speaking it's a long journey maybe 500 miles, and for some of us, it's thousands of miles away. 

Just like a physical journey, this journey in our mind, it's the journey that matters more than the destination.  There's three ways to get there: walk, drive, or fly. You can walk there, but it's going to be so slow and take so long, that chances are you're going to die before you ever get there. Because you're not going fast enough to get to those moments where you can really learn about yourself because youre staying in one place too long.  Or you can fly there... Tell your self you are going to just act and behave like this healthy person everyone is telling you that you're suppose to be.  You may get there right away, but youre just fooling yourself into thinking that you took the journey, just because you went "somewhere". But the reality is, that you missed everything along the way. Flying high above it, seeing nothing in detail and learning nothing about the things that you passed by so quickly. When you get there, you actually feel a little bit lost, because you don't know yourself or this person you are acting like.  You basically didnt earn it.  Or... you can drive. As you take this journey, when you see something interesting you can actually pull over take a look at it.  Investigate it, enjoy it, learn from it, get back in the car and continue on your journey. You're moving fast enough that you'll actually reach your destination, but not so fast that you miss anything along the way.

Were all screwed up in some way. We all know what the healthiest best version of ourselves should look like.  Just because we know it, just because someone tells us how and who to be,  doesn't mean we can just be it. We HAVE to take that journey, we HAVE to learn about ourselves along the way.  We can't just "be there". 

I'm learning that dating, just like anything else in life, really is about the journey.... not the destination. Sure I'd love for the man of my dreams to show up tomorrow and allow me to live happily ever after. But I know if he did show up tomorrow, I probably fuck it up beyond all repair, because I'm not done with my journey.  I'm not even close.  I haven't learned enough about myself, so that I'm ready for him when he does show up. But does that mean I shouldn't date people because I'm not ready for "the one"?

I know were all out here trying people on to see if they are a good fit.  We're learning more about ourselves with each person we try on. Along the way for me, each man that I meet, I truly enjoy the experience of him.  Even if it is a disaster.  I really pay attention to what he's giving me, even if it's not the right thing for me, and even if it wasn't his intention. I learn from it and I take that experience with me into the future.  The more I date and the more that I experience, the better woman I become. Someday I am going to meet Mr. right. And when that day comes, I hope that my journey has been full enough and rich enough that I'm ready for him.  Let's face it, we will never actually reach our "destination".  None of us will ever be "baggage free".  I just hope that when Mr. Right comes along, I've reduced my load to a small carry on, with as little trash in it as possible.

And despite the fact that it may be "taboo" to talk about sex or to have sex, sex IS important. Sex is what takes a friendship and turns it into that romantic "something special".  It's the one thing you can't do with your mother, your brother or any other type of loving relationship. It's the one thing that makes romantic love spectacular, unique, exclusive to just that ONE person.

So maybe sometimes I may sleep with someone too soon or maybe sometimes I might be too afraid to have sex or maybe sometimes we just come together at the right place at the right time and sex is all we have in common.  So what?! It is still about sharing an experience with someone, and hopefully, more often than not, it is a good experience.  I hope that somewhere out there is a man for me, that cannot only be my best friend, but also share with me the most amazing mind blowing sex.  To some extent, from time to time, I will waste my time or someone else's time, trying to spare one or both of us  hurt feelings down the road, by having sex NOW to see if it's "there". Because if it's not, I need to move on.  Unfortunately for some men, sex IS that important to me.  And from what I understand, for most men it's a very important thing for them too.  I really hope we can steer clear of the stereo typical double standard. That sex can be important for a man and they complain all the time that it's not important enough for a woman. Because here I am, a woman that sex is very important to me, I'm open and honest enough to be able to admit that, so I shouldn't be crucified for being the thing that most men complain that women are not. 

I don't know exactly what it is about me that gives off the sexual or sensual energy that makes men view me solely as a sex object though.  I don't say sex object lightly. "Object" is exactly the word that were talking about. As though I have no mind, no heart and no soul.  Treated strictly as the object of a man's desire to fulfill one, and only one of his needs. As though I'm just some materialistic thing with no emotions and don't deserve to be treated with respect, while they fulfill that need through me.  So YES I'm going to be picky, a man is going to have to treat me with respect.  And through that respect, will open the door to the sexual being that he wants in the first place. I don't think that's too much to ask to not be treated like a slut or a whore. To be treated like a human being and a woman who has more to herself than carnal sexual desires and needs.  And if the man can be mature enough, you know, an actual bona fide adult, there's no reason why there can't be consensual sex and enjoy each other.  Enjoy everything about each other.  Mind, spirit and body.  Sometimes it's going to work out and maybe there might be a connection to where we can spend time together and enjoy each other's company for more than just one night. And sometimes it's just going to be that one night. Sometimes I'm going to get my feelings hurt, wanting more out of it than the man does.  And guess what?  Yes... sometimes the man is going to get his feelings hurt, because he wants more out of it than I do. That's just the way it's going to have to go.  Historically men think of women as clingy, needy and emotional... when the woman is the one who wants more. Yet here we are and when it's the man all of a sudden, the woman is some kind of black widow, man eating monster, just using a man and being unfair and cruel.  I'm sorry boys you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Life is just life.  Sex is just sex.  A fuck is just a fuck.  And hopefully somewhere in all those experiences....a connection will be made that can't be broken.  Two people will both at the same time, find the one they can't live with out....when they are both ready.

~S~