Letting go

What a week!  Some good, some bad, some indifferent.  Josh and I together, finally talked last night and called 'time of death' on the romantic side of our friendship.  We missed talking to each other, but both know we are too different to ever be more than just really good freinds.  One of the things we both agree on is that it was fate that we were meant to meet each other.  I reminded him that I will always cherish the gift he gave me and that he is my angel that will always be a part of me.  I wished we could have hugged it out in the end. 

Problem is when I got back home all Hell broke loose and I have no idea at this moment the current 'state' of my marriage.  While obviously destroyed, we weren't fighting until last night and it was a doozy!  After previously admiting on his own that he has not put any effort into changing the last 3 weeks and me agreeing to a couple more weeks....he just lost his damn fool head.  I know him well, and know it was all about putting me on the defensive so that it can again be all 'my' fault.  So he can be in control again.  The fact that he would honestly at this point agree to something he absolutely did not want....an open marriage....rather than dig deep, do some soul searching and GROW......tells me just how sobering the reality of my fantasy is......and that this will never work.  Well good for you babe....take your control, blame and misery and get the fuck OUT!!!  I may starve to death physically without you, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually I will thrive and flourish on my own.

~S~